[Reading is Sexy] Find Solace in Your Soul with ‘The Art of Happiness’

November 17, 2020November 17, 2020Leave a comment

“And I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, ‘If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.”

Oh, 2020 – the year that has progressed in time, but seemingly not in anything else. With this year going a way none of us predicted, now (and all times, lets be honest) are an important time to channel our true nature and understand what is blocking us on our path to enlightened happiness.

It’s become easy to lose one’s way this year, where routine and schedule have fallen out from underneath themselves as we try and determine what it means to have a “new normal.” COVID coupled with the inability to travel to new destinations, and I’ve found it increasingly important to delve and dive inward on a personal manifest-destiny of the psyche.

From the esteemed brains of the His Holiness, the 14th Dalai Lama, paired with the intricate introspection and psychological musings of Dr. Howard C Cutler comes ‘The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living.’

Through introspective, open-minded conversation and personal anecdotes – the pair provide a beautifully written manual for understanding, finding and securing your own personal happiness, as well as methods for producing a feeling a oneness with your external world, however chaotic or calm it may be.

As the world spins, we have a choice of either spinning with it or pushing against it, creating friction – throughout this fantastic read, I found bits and pieces of advice, much like the bread crumbs left by Hansel and Gretel, on how to live a more personally sound and fulfilling life. For anyone who is on that spiritual, personal journey – or is curious to delve into it, this book is a fantastic starter manual for a healthier, happier way of life.

As always, I’m going to leave you with some of my favorite quotes from the book; enjoy!

“…there is another source of worth and dignity from which you can relate to fellow human beings. You can relate to them because you are still a human being, within the human community. You share that bond, and that human bond is enough to give rise to a sense of worth and dignity.”

“…the ‘right choice’ is often the difficult one – the one that involves some sacrifice of our pleasure.”

“When life becomes too complicated and we feel overwhelmed, it’s often useful just to stand back and remind ourselves of our overall purpose, our overall goal…turning-toward happiness as a valid goal and the decision to seek happiness in a systemic manner can profoundly change our lives.”

“For our life to be of value…we must develop basic human qualities – warmth, kindness, compassion. Then our life becomes meaningful and more peaceful – happier.”

“….By broadening our definition of intimacy, we open ourselves to discovering many new and equally satisfying ways of connecting with others.”

“…the law of death is that among all living creatures, there is no permanence.”

“If you directly confront your suffering, you will be in a better position to appreciate the depth and nature of the problem.”

“..the root causes of suffering are ignorance, craving and hatred. These are called the ‘three poisons of the mind’.”

“…Unhappiness, I saw then, comes to each of us because we think ourselves at the center of the world, because we have the miserable conviction that we alone suffer to the point of unbearable intensity. Unhappiness is always to feel oneself imprisoned in one’s own skin, in one’s own brain.“

“If we carefully examine any given situation in a very unbiased and honest way, we will realize that to a large extend we are also responsible for the unfolding of events.”

“In fact, the enemy is the necessary condition for practicing patience. Without an enemy’s action, there’s no possibility for patience and tolerance to arise. Our friends to not ordinarily test us…only our enemies do this. So, from this standpoint, we can consider our enemy as a great teacher, and revere them for giving us this precious opportunity to practice patience.”

“It’s the very struggle of life that makes us who we are”

“A tree with strong roots can withstand the most violent storm, but the tree can’t grow roots just as the storm appears on the horizon.”

“Negative mental states are not an intrinsic part of our minds; they are transient obstacles that obstruct the expression of our underlying natural state of joy and happiness.”

Snag your copy today – and Pro Tip: Don’t pay full price on Amazon for a book, you can snag them through a third party retailer for nearly 60% off!

‘The Art of Happiness’: Amazon | Good Reads

His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama: Website | Books | GoodReads | Facebook

Dr Howard C Cutler: Website | GoodReads Profile

What books are currently on your nightstand? Let me know in the comments below!

[Adulting 101] Tax Season 2018

January 30, 2018January 30, 2018Leave a comment

Seasons here in Los Angeles are an undependable and drastically different monster than anywhere else, Summer can last half the year, while Winter might only last a few days; but the good news is that Tax Season typically comes pretty standard. Now that we’re almost a month through the new year and you’re working on removing the last one from your lexicon, your finances can finally do the same now as the IRS has begun to accept tax returns for 2017. Last year, I dolled out the 411 on all things tax season – but this year there are some updates, some new tips and tricks as well as the latest changes to the new tax codes that have rolled out for the year. As the world turns and as your personal world turns, so does your financial world – children, new employment, marriage, and legislation can put a world of change onto your tax returns. With a few life adjustments under my sleeves and a whole lot of personal growth, I have ample new information to share.

Before we dive down the rabbit hole, let’s back up for a second. Every time we get near April I tend to ask myself why the hell we even pay taxes anyways – but there are ample reasons that it’s a necessity. At the most basic level, a government and a governed society can only work properly if everyone is participating – money is one of those forms of participation, as are things like voting, working with your local city council and so on. Social and community functions like hospitals, national parks, schools, roads and the salaries of certain city employees and officials are derived directly from the taxes we pay – whether the money comes directly out of your paycheck, as with a W-2, or as an annual residual if you’re an independent contractor and go by 1099.

Documents on Documents.

Last week, many business and companies began to roll out both their electronic and paper versions of your W2 or 1099, depending on your type of employment. In addition, fiscal firms have also sent out a 1099-DIV form with instructions on investments. The easiest way to keep yourself organized is either an analog filing cabinet, or a secure digital folder. As soon as you have the basics, you can begin the filing process – and if you acquire more documents after you’ve filed, never fear: there’s a very simple process to amend your Tax Return, however that must be mailed in.

Filing

When I was a kid, my parents would assist with my taxes – and by kid, I mean 20 year old. Now that I’m old enough to figure out my own way, I defer to e-filing Intuit’s Turbo Tax, but H&R Block also offers a comparable service if you’re looking into other options. For those of you that need a lot of itemizations, deductions and or exemptions – your best bet is turning to a tax professional. With the advent of the internet they don’t necessarily need to be local, however you will want someone that understands the state laws for where you lived in 2017.

Fast Facts

A few tax basics for your lexicon: a dependent is a person that you’re not married to that fiscally depends on you, and only you. Most adults, whether single or married, only claim 1 – but more on that later. Depending on your gross income for the past year and the federal assistance received for health insurance or social security, you might not need to file taxes at all.

Married with Taxes

Now, this to me was – and still slightly is – the tricky part. Just hitched last August, this is the first time I’ll be able to file my taxes as a married lady and I had a lot of questions, but rightfully so. When you’re married, there are two ways of filing – you can file ‘Married and Jointly’ or ‘Married and Separately’.

So let’s break this down. Filing ‘Married and Separately’ is exactly how it sounds, you submit your spouses name and social security number along with yours but the only taxes you will file are your own. On the other hand, filing ‘Married and Jointly’ combines your gross income as a couple into one umbrella group, if you notice in the chart above – the income intervals for ‘M & J’ are double the intervals of ‘M & S’, and coming with that is also a fairly nice tax break. When does each one make sense? Now, that’s the trick – and each year, it could be different depending on types of employment and each partner’s salary. For us cats over here, I computed both – the Married and Separately as well as Married and Jointly, and compared the results to myself before I believed what I read – but now I can indeed verify: filing Married and Separately makes the most sense for partners that make nearly the same amount within the same tax bracket, while Married and Jointly seems to be the most beneficial when there is an exponential disparity in income.

Filing Deadline

Officially kicking off Tax Season yesterday, you can file your taxes any time you’d like between now and the April 17th (yes, 17th) deadline. I’ve discovered a little trick, where the sooner you submit your tax return the sooner you can reap the sweet rewards. Last year, it only took a week and a half for both my state and federal return to be processed, so I like sending mine out as soon as possible. But in case I made a mistake I can file amended 1040-X anytime over the next three years. And yes, Tax Day is technically on April 15th, but that’s also a Sunday – with the observed ‘Emancipation Day’ holiday falling in Washington DC on the Monday, making it a federal holiday, thus the deadline is now Tuesday, April 17th.

IRS | IRS E-File

[The Audiofiles] Curating The Lightning in My Bottle

June 2, 2017June 5, 2017Leave a comment

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For the last decade, hell – my entire life – music has been my genesis and the community surrounding it has become my family. I’ve ebbed and flowed in and out of genres in parallel to my social groups; from my roots in Trance and Dubstep, into a self professed Techno-file, Basshead and back to being a tried and true audiophile. I’ve watched myself grow, between the cracks and between the events, blossoming, regenerating and trying again as the flowers do every spring. For the past few years, Lightning in a Bottle has been my source of metamorphosis, the cocoon that encapsulated my former spirit – giving life to my dreams and purpose to my passions. No automatic alt text available. But it always felt as if it came with a life-sized catch.

As is natural in life, the soaring highs and the lowest lows seemed to coexist within the festival space – almost magnified under the idea of the ‘transformational’ festival experience. The human mind, as beautifully strong as it is, is forever wired to remember and avoid pain, while seeking pleasure. Instead of remembering my whirling wanderlust for novel and new music, a colorful cacophony of characters cascading into my life, delightful dialogues with strangers that became instant friends and the effervescent beauty of immersive art structures – my mind matriculated elsewhere. Every time I tried to conceive of myself bouncing around on festival grounds, the first memories to flood my head are my aunt passing away last year, our laptop getting stolen from our tent the year before, and various high drama moments between security and festival goers. Where my freshman self had been so keen on forming a new festival family, while now – as a festival veteran – I felt myself retract back into my personal bubble. Yes, inherently trust is something to be earned, like the view from the top of a mountain after a hike…but that’s for the real world – here, at a festival, with a menagerie of like minded people, I wanted to leave my defenses far behind me – instead, they transformed into a chip on my shoulder. Suffice it to say, it felt like my time there had run out – and rightfully so…after all, I’ve never been in a school system with the same people for longer than 5 years at a time, so if we’re really in High School part Infinity as it always seems – this is me, graduated and looking at life anew.

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Lightning in a Bottle – in tandem with the Do LaB – has turned an impeccable idea into a full on circus show where you’re both the audience and the show. They’ve made me cultivate and curate my own community of dreamers and do-ers, they’ve shown me how to synthesize ideas and different types of personalities, how to go with the flow and look at the world through eyes of childlike wonder and amazement, I have a new appreciation for the metaphysical aspects of life and for the natural world – and now, I’m ready to foray that into the rest of my life. Yes, LIB is an amazing, wonderful, technicolor day dream of a weekend – and I’m thrilled that I’ve gotten to dance my way through their world, both as a participant, as a writer for The DJ list, and as a member of their esteemed PR team when they were paired with The Confluence.

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I’ve lived inside someone else’s technicolor daydream and loved (almost) every second, but it’s given me pause – a notion that maybe it’s time to curate my own dreams and dive into those. I’ve had a trifecta of angles, a million perspectives shoved into a four year span – and it’s taught me that the world is both more beautiful and more complicated than you could realize, but if you take the time to put the pieces together – the puzzle you complete will astound you.

You’ll look at the world anew, with the ability to find sincerity in small moments and life long lessons within short term friendships. Only after uncovering yourself, the person who resonates at your core, you’ll see the truth of the people you surround yourself with. There are an infinite amount of dragons to chase, so choose to search for the bigger picture, how to leave the world better and beautiful, how to operate with openness and kindness, and receive it them in return. Smiling at strangers isn’t just for festivals, and hugs are for everyone, there’s art everywhere and every moment is a good moment to dance. The good life we create at our festivals, the community, love and ethos we spend four days and nights cultivating are here, in every second of our every day life if we choose to engage it.

One doesn’t stay in their genesis forever, and within that – I feel I’ve gotten exactly what I needed to head on in my own direction. Lightning has been my springboard, a stepping stone in the river to where I’ve become myself and I’m thrilled at the memories that I’ve made there, but now – at 32, about to be married and wanting a family, I felt inspired to start my own traditions, and cultivate the lightning in my own bottle. For the first time since 2012, I didn’t attend Lightning – but it doesn’t mean that my soul wasn’t there, living vicariously through passionate people prancing through the dust in search of their next adventure as I searched for mine.
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[Self Discovery] Revel in Your Personal Rituals

March 2, 2016March 2, 2016Leave a comment

In the few years after I moved to Los Angeles, I’ll admit that my mornings would be ridiculously unproductive. I would roll out of bed, play with the cats, entertain the idea of going to the gym while jumping in the shower and haphazardly set on my way through the monotony of the work week: Eat, Work, Sleep, Cats, Repeat. Though my weekly charade got me to the weekend in one piece, I can’t say that my mind, body and soul were in harmonic balance. Rudimentary routine escaped me and I most certainly hadn’t even entertained creating any sort of personal ritual. Leave it to my first yoga class in 2012 to set my mind right. What struck me so succinctly was the necessity to practice with intention – not just yoga, but every little facet of life. Ever since, I’ve developed a few small practices, and I encourage you to do the same because when I permeate the present with purpose, I’m not only proud of the work that I do – but I find I get more done and am happier to to it.

Whether its a daily, weekly or monthly pursuit – the development of sacred rituals and mantras allows one to hone in on their personal potential while infusing the moment with positive intention. Whether personal and private or social and shared, a ritual has importance beyond the moment and has a heavier grasp on our psyche, playing a vital role in regulating our mental and emotional states. By routinely focusing our internal energy and calming down the external world around us to a whisper, rituals reduce stress, depression and anxiety while simultaneously increasing our self discipline, enhancing our creativity and adding to our general sense of self and well being; by purely focusing on the moment, we allow ourselves to truly be present. Though in a traditional sense ‘ritual’ is related to a religious pursuit, to me – a ritual is a repeated tradition seeped in personal significance.

When it comes to the every day, simple rituals like a hot pot of coffee paired with 20 minutes of a good book can set the morning on the right foot; at night, rinse and repeat but replace your beverage with some calming tea. Realistically, rituals can range from skincare regimens and stretching routines to mid day siestas and late night rune readings. A tried and true night owl – I enjoy implementing a morning ritual to set my intentions and ramp up my day; but for you it might be something that helps you wind down and out, allowing you to process your waking moments.

Your ritual can be as simple as setting a daily intention, or a morning mantra, or it can be cathartically complex; either way, it should invoke calmness and tranquility throughout the day. Translated from Sanskrit and part of the Hindu and Buddhist practice, a mantra is a phrase, sound or word repeated over and over to increase concentration and awareness; some personal favorites are – ‘I will be fully present in the moment’, ‘seek the good’, ‘the grass is greener where you water it’, and’find comfort in the chaos’.

When it comes to rituals, my personal favorites include journaling, reading, music, meditation, road trips, arranging and cleaning crystals, playing with my cats and dancing. To you they might sound like hobbies, but for me there’s something simple yet sacred about all of those pursuits and combined, my heart truly sings when engaged in those activities. For those that enjoy being more physical like myself active pursuits like yoga, a trip to the gym or an enjoyably long walk with your dog, a friend or significant other will set off the day or night in a positive light.

On a larger scope, weekly rituals like a set gym or yoga schedule and standing date night with your significant other or social circle give you something to look forward to on a weekly basis and strengthen your support system at the same time. I’ve also taken fondly to monthly rituals like writing out my monthly intentions, engaging in full moon tarot readings and adventuring to a new nature infused landscape. Lastly but certainly not least, avoid becoming stuck in a rut with your rituals – remember -they should let you breathe new life into your day, not bog you down with unneeded responsibility.

What are your favorite ways to break in the days, weeks and month? Do you have any rituals that you hold dear to your heart?

Let me know in the comments below!

[Self Discovery] The 10 Things Great Minds Do For Each Other

April 24, 2014September 14, 20154 Comments

In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.
– Albert Schweitzer –

Our twenties is a time of self-exploration and discovery. It’s a rite of passage and mental manifest destiny we’re all forced to come to terms with once we enter “the real world” and figure out what it means to be a contributing member of the community, or on a more global scale – a contributing member of the human race. These are the years that we change jobs, cities, significant others, interests and musical taste as frequently as we change socks. Just like there are laws of physics, there are also laws in the physics of our mentality: external change catalyzes internal change and propagates our growth as individual. We need to remember that it’s not selfish to take an adjustment period to get reacquainted with your life, it’s honest; because if you can’t take a moment’s appreciation for your newly acquired situation – was there really a point?

As we work our way back into the folds of life, back into social circles and bar scenes – you have a unique opportunity to look at things with a fresh perspective. Sometimes, that perspective pulls you out of prior relationships as it pulls you into new ones – and it’s helpful to know what qualities to keep around in a person, and what to avoid. I’ve seen (and read) a heaping dose of articles on toxic friendships lately, and just like a regular friendship – that’s a two way street, too. Whether it’s actively toxic, or passively toxic (read: enabling).For a toxic friendship to persist, both parties have to be engaging in toxic behavior. If you’re an emotional hypochondriac and sit there using those traits as a litmus test, solemnly and discretely analyzing your relationships – you’ll probably think there’s at least one person in your world that’s ‘detrimental to your existence‘. Instead of trying to find the negative, I want to look at the positive; if small minds tear each other down, great minds should build each other up. So, I’ve come up with a little list of qualities that you should both look for in others and manifest in yourself.

The 10 Things Great Minds Do For Each Other

1. Encourage Growth

A good friend not only accepts you for who you are but challenges you to become the person you want to be (not the person that they want you to be) by allowing you to challenge the limits of your comfort zone.

2. Focus on the Positive

Life follows a stereotypical pattern of twists and turns that translate into a sine curve of highs and lows. We need to both celebrate our victories and acknowledge when things aren’t up to par – but unless you’re actively working on improving something in yourself, marinating on the negative isn’t going to get you anywhere but stuck in a negative feedback cycle. And they’re as equally detrimental to ourselves as the people around us. Humans aren’t magnets. Negative doesn’t attract positive; positive attracts positive; you’ll get back from the universe exactly what you put into it.

3. Allow You to be Wrong

As a species, we don’t have all the answers yet – so it’s silly to think that any one individual does, either. We need to allow ourselves to be wrong in the pursuit of what is right – through empirical evidence and healthy, intelligent debate with our peers.

4. Laugh With You, Not at You

First things first, your friends should have a sense of humor. If they don’t, there actually might be something wrong with them and you should probably should just stop talking to them all together. Anyways, I digress. Funny happens all the time and I’ve actually laughed out loud at myself before, but when a friend actively pursues a facet of your life for their enjoyment, it might be time to cut them loose. A good friend can find humor in the moment, but knows how to let it go and not project the humor onto you.

5. Emotionally Supportive

When life turns sour, it helps having people around that bring over vodka when all you have are lemons. But, depending on the situation – some friends might become Negative Nancy and have nothing nice to say, a few will turn the conversation to their life and their problems (which of course, still matter – but this isn’t the time or place for it) and others will simply dip out of your life. The positive influences in your life will find a way to give – whether its their ear, a shoulder to cry on or a couch to sleep on and silence is golden, especially when someone is at their most vulnerable.

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6. Give Space When Necessary

When Galileo discovered that there was a flaw in the geocentric model, there was an uproar. Sometimes, when people come to the realization that the world is about more than just them, they react the same way. Everyone has a personal universe to deal with that we simply can’t know everything about.it. We have to learn to respect boundaries and allow the people in our lives to cultivate their own worlds.

7. Brainstorm Solutions

One of the greatest things about having a group of peers is that you get to constantly crowdsource solutions. Is your boss being too hard on you? How do you train for a marathon? Should you move to a new city? These are all things we deal with in our life and we should feel confident that we can reach out to the people in our lives in search of our own answers. A good friend will engage you and play devil’s advocate to get down to the root of your question.

8. Constructive Criticism

It’s okay to have an standpoint on a person, and often there’s a time and place to voice it – but unless you can find a proactive way to express it, you should probably keep it to yourself. If you’re forming a negative opinion on someone’s life, make sure it’s not a mirror that you’re holding to your own. Instead, take a step back from the friendship and really examine what’s bothering you.

9. Value Time

Time is valuable, and other people’s time – doubly so. A good friend understands that everyone has their own time table and own rate of life, we simply don’t all move at the same pace in life. So, when it comes to hanging out and getting together – they’ll let you know when they’re running late and are conscious that your time matters, too.

10. Inspire Greatness

We’re all made of stardust, and I truly believe that within each of us – there’s something amazing. When a beautiful soul meets another, they burn brighter together – just like when two candles meet. They listen to your ambitions, goals and lofty visions. Instead of diminishing you, or them, they’ll encourage you to chase down your dreams and convert them to reality.

I hope you guys all have friends in your life like this, because I know I do.

Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art….
It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.
– C.S. Lewis –

[Weekly Dose of Wisdom]

January 17, 2014January 17, 2014Leave a comment

I’m only five days into my ’30 Before 30′ challenge and rewarding has never felt so exhausting and amazing at the same time! After a brief hiatus, I started running again and afterwards, instead of ‘stretching’ – I’ve been getting down on some yoga and meditation (#12) . I wanted a way to quantify my efforts and figured a great way to measure my yoga growth was to master a new pose a week. That way, I can grow my repertoire of poses and incorporate them into a weekly yoga routine. First up, Dancer’s Pose (Natarajasana); it’s been a bit of a battle, but I’ve truly enjoyed putting in the daily work and seeing results. What started as an absolute joke (I might have almost fallen on my face….several times), has turned into a full three or four deep breaths on each leg before I teeter-totter myself back to stability. At the end of the weekend I hope to have a picture or two to show for my efforts, but beggars can’t always be choosers. What’s even better is that I’ve been able to knock an item off of the bucket list! I pickled some cucumber and mushrooms (#7) the other night and my word, they are delicious and that was easier than I thought. With the long weekend ahead and so much I want to accomplish – I thought getting a little perspective and wisdom under my belt would be a perfect way to kick things off on this beautiful Friday in LA; enjoy!