[Reading is Sexy] Understand Your Emotional Intelligence with ‘The Highly Sensitive Person’

January 30, 2022January 30, 2022Leave a comment

“All virtues have a shadow.”

For millennia, humans traded information by speech or song – imbuing tradition, history and knowledge with the tone of their voice. It wasn’t until 1440 when German inventor Johannes Gutenberg invented the printing press; in less than half that time we now have temporal, instant gratification reinforcing social media channels from Facebook and Instagram to Snapchat, TikTok, and the like. Where the world once ebbed and flowed at a nominal rate, it’s now gaining unparalleled speed and momentum. Many of us dance with overwhelmed feelings at one point or another – and the world’s recent stage has only catalyzed these feelings. From COVID and quarantine, to the reckoning of the ‘The Great Resignation’ and job wage inequity, not to mention race relations and the growing chasm of political divide – it really isn’t any wonder that feelings of anxiety and depression have run rampant these last few years (and let’s be honest, my heart rate just went up typing all that!). A society that’s overwhelmed means that we’re living in a constant state of over-arousal, that we’re all sitting on hairpin triggers waiting for the next emotional hurdle to be thrust into our path; it reinforces timid, introverted behavior and takes us out of being our ‘best selves’ while pulling us out of the collective human condition and isolating us within our minds. Continually ingraining ourselves within this hyper-stimulated, instant gratification, ‘go-go-go’ natured world – it’s no surprise that many of us have become, or always have been, highly sensitive individuals.

“Whatever the times, suffering eventually touches every life. How we live with it, and help others to, is one of the great creative and ethical opportunities”
― Elaine N. Aron

As it turns out, the more aware one becomes – the more deeply one feels. I was blessed with a good childhood for the most part, less my parents divorce when I was two, and grew up highly anxious for seemingly “no reason” (…according to therapists, family and friends). I had stomach ulcers in elementary school, and was in therapy from the age of 11 well into my adult life, and understand implicitly what it means to exist within a hypervigilant state and the want to feel “normal”.

“I am deeply moved by things. I’d hate to miss the intense joy of that.”
― Elaine N. Aron

I’ve discovered myself to be dichotomous: I enjoy moments of extroversion and love feeling like part of a large group, I equally find disdain fitting into a societal mold. I cry, easily; I laugh easily, too. I’m reactive, to a fault. I have a lot of feelings, not recognize that not all of them feel like my own – almost as if they’re at the heart of human nature’s cosmic collective, and it’s my emotional duty to experience all of them. It’s easy to become trapped in that feedback cycle, and I give a lot of credit to my family, friends and many, many therapists over the years for always being there for me to pull me out of it. But truth be told, it’s never easy to ask for help – and there have been times where I haven’t been as lucky; times when I haven’t wanted to ‘burden’ others with my thoughts, felt that I wasn’t important enough to find solutions to my feelings, or have existed outside of myself in a prolonged moment of dissociation, eventually discovering that I’m severely out of touch with my authentic nature. It’s these type of emotions that seem to reinforce the feelings of isolation, of introversion, of withdrawl – and within those feelings, very rarely does one choose to reach back out to the world for help. So thank goodness I stumbled across esteemed author Dr. Elaine N Aron and her book ‘The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When The World Overwhelms You’.

Part retrospective on an emotionally intelligent life, and part explorative into the nature of Highly Sensitive People – this book put me directly in touch with my true self, and made me understand that though I have felt burdened by my feelings – it’s beautiful to feel the world so deeply, and I wouldn’t change it for the world. I found a lot of myself within Aron’s anecdotes, and felt an odd sense of calm wash away cobwebs of mental chaos and calamity. As it turns out, one in five people fits in the category of being ‘Highly Sensitive’ – so even if it doesn’t describe you, having this knowledge in your back pocket will enhance your connections with others – in addition to parts of yourself. From reframing childhood events, understanding close relationships and bringing your emotional ‘A Game’ to the table – ‘The Highly Sensitive Person’ takes us on an emotional adventure to uncover our true nature, and give it a healthier spin. Plus, each chapter features a ‘self help’ section at the end so you, too, can do the work.

Want to connect with others like you? There’s a Facebook Group that I think you’ll love!

Are you curious if you’re a Highly Sensitive Person? Sure, maybe you’re absolutely aware of yourself – but in case you’re unsure, Aron has a self test on her website so you can understand more. Additionally, Aron has penned several other books on the topic – including a book for children and a workbook to go along with ‘The Highly Sensitive Person’.

Here are a few other tangentially related reads worth adding to your book list if Aron’s ‘The Highly Sensitive Person‘ piqued your interest,:

For more on the author and her series of books, check out…

Website | GoodReads

[Reading is Sexy] Understanding the ‘Voice of Knowledge’

May 17, 2021Leave a comment

“In the case of good books, the point is not to see how many of them you can get through, but rather how many can get through to you.”
– Mortimer J. Adler

When a good book hits you with words you need to hear, it gives one pause and perspective; and often, a necessary shift in mood. For the last few months, I’ve been bouncing between a few books – but nothing that had truly immersed me into it’s literary universe until the other week when I bounded through the last pages of David Brin’s ‘Sundiver’; after several months of investing myself into the characters and plot twists, I had finally made it to the end, fully enthralled in Brin’s ‘Uplift’ sagas. After I make it through any work of fiction, I tend to re-set my mind with a book on the other end of the spectrum – like the natural sciences, psychology, mathematics, etc. As I started pawing my way through my bookshelves on Saturday morning, one popped out at me that I simply couldn’t put down: The Voice of Knowledge from the esteemed don Miguel Ruiz.

“You are alive, and you don’t need to justify your existence.
You can be the biggest mystery in your own story.”
― Miguel Ruiz

I’d read ‘The Four Agreements’ and ‘Mastery of Love‘ some years ago, and had apparently forgotten that I was in possession of the third in the series. If you’ve never heard of any of these before, you’re in for quite the treat. Now, you don’t necessarily have to have read his other books to jump into ‘Voice of Knowledge’, but having some rudimentary knowledge of his other materials provides a nice frame of reference to this one.

Inspired by the Toltec wisdom of his family line, don Miguel Ruiz implores his readers to open their eyes, minds and hearts to a healthier way of handling the world – the one we create inside ourselves, and the external world we live in. In ‘The Four Agreements‘, Ruiz implores on us that if we keep the four agreements in our hearts and in our heads, we will find that life is kinder to us – that the world around us vibrates at a loving frequency, and that we are more at peace with ourselves, more in love with our true nature, if we can establish these four agreements as a psychological baseline for how we interact with the world.

If we are impeccable with our word, we pave the way for concise and clear communication – both externally, and (this is the more important part) internally; being true to our own nature, allows others to be more authentic with us. By not taking anything personally, we don’t allow others to dictate our emotions through their actions (or, inactions). Without making assumptions, we deal with the world as it truly is – not an idealized version of it. Finally, always trying your best means you can wake up and go to sleep every day knowing that you did all you could to be you.

Within ‘The Mastery of Love’, we are reminded that the best way to have a fulfilling relationship is to build a relationship of love with yourself. Once we have acknowledged the need for the ‘four agreements’, the first person we must establish those with is in fact ourselves. By learning to respect ourselves with our own truths, we can embody the ‘Mastery of Awareness’; in becoming spiritual masters of our own realm, we immediately commit to the ‘Mastery of Transformation’. When these two masteries are combined, we engage with the full ‘Mastery of Love’

Finally, we meet ‘The Voice of Knowledge’ – and what an enlightening look at the way we deal with our own personal truths, and our own suffering. As society heads back into a ‘new normal’, I think it’s important to own, understand and hold space for our authentic selves – and reading the ‘Voice of Knowledge’ truly drove that home. When we remove the ego driven ‘voice’ of knowledge that we carry in our head, and commit to living the four agreements – we find a life based on respect, love and honesty. First, that involves respect, love and honesty with ourselves. Throughout the book, Ruiz implores on his readers that we need to be kinder to true nature, and revel in being ourselves.

We were all born with a childlike sense of wonder and amazement in the world, and overtime our personal narratives told us that we weren’t good enough as who we are at our core – from teachers, to family, to friends and strangers in between, each interaction with the world molds us into something we didn’t intend on becoming, and never were. The ‘Voice of Knowledge’ helps us dissolve the ideals placed on us by the world without us, as we start listening to our own spirit once again. We are with ourselves all of the time, it’s important to learn to enjoy that relationship with openness and honesty, and that begins with being honest with ourselves. As we discover our authentic voice, the one that we’ve learned to quiet over time because of the words and actions of others, we can start regaining our personal power and live our lives in truly touch with our spirit and soul.

Are there any books or authors that have helped adjust and shift your personal perspective on the world? Let me know in the comments below! For more on don Miguel Ruiz and his other fantastic books on Toltec wisdom, head to his website or social channels.

Website | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Good Reads

“You are divine, you are perfect, but as an artist,
you create your own story and you have the illusion that the story is real.
You live your life by justifying that story.
And by justifying the story, you are wasting your life.”
― Miguel Ruiz, The Voice of Knowledge

[Reading is Sexy] Art, Nature and Mathematics Collide in ‘The Golden Ratio’

May 8, 2020May 8, 2020Leave a comment

The Golden Ratio: The Story of PHI, the World's Most Astonishing ...

It’s not so often that you would recommend reading about mathematical history, but here I am – having finished Mario Livio’s wonderful retrospective on art, history and use (or purported use) of the Golden Ratio.

As a resident number nerd, and someone that their entire life claimed they detested art history and history itself – I have to say that Livio succinctly and sweetly would the three topics together into an enthralling tale of mis-attribution and cultural intrigue. All the while, pulling in both the natural math savant, art fluency and historical perspective within all of us.

Golden Ratio : What It Is And Why Should You Use It In Design

Though it initially seems a bit silly to read about numbers, but books on mathematics illuminate the whole mind into understanding the world around us – and within us – at a different frequency. Once you begin to understand what the Golden Ratio is (below), and the common natural occurances of it in the world around you (above) – I dare you to not be astounded that a natural phenomena can be so intricuately detailed within the permutation of a constantly recurring irrational number, phi – Φ.

As easy as it is to believe that a book about mathematics and history could be dense, Livio’s book The Golden Ratio is a poetic and poignant tale of something that we can all recognize in the world. Math is supposed to be accessible by everyone, as it’s the language of the universe, and Livio reminds you that it’s both both within and around you.

For more ‘books about numbers’ and some additional insight into art history, I highly recommend:

For more on Mario Livio + The Golden Ratio, head to their social media channels: Amazon | Good Reads

Golden Ratio Coloring Book by Rafael Araujo — Kickstarter

Or, if you’re more of a visual leaner – there’s a great pairing with the PBS / Nova series “The Great Math Mystery”.

What’s a book on a subject that you didn’t expect would open your eyes in new and wonderful ways? Let me know in the comments below!

[Reading is Sexy] Find Strength in Solitude with Thoreau’s Walden

April 6, 2020April 7, 20201 Comment

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is 10384105_10103741275590557_5249204759292188541_n.jpg — “I find it wholesome to be alone the greater part of the time. To be in company, even with the best, is soon wearisome and dissipating. I love to be alone. I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude.” – **Thoreau**

Admittedly, between moving four times across three different states in the last two years and starting up school again at the beginning of the year – I haven’t had much ‘downtime’ to read much. However, in light of recent events, I was finally able to finish Thoreau’s Walden, a book I started before my wedding, wayyyy back in 2017. Around America, 41 states have currently issued either a ‘Stay in Place’ or ‘Shelter in Place’ order – with another 4 deploying the order at a more local level. And we’re all trying to figure out how to adjust to this hopefully temporary new ‘normal’. Whether in comforting or in trying times, losing yourself in the lyricism of a fantastic book is always a novel idea; to be honest, with the current state of the Coronavirus pandemic in the world, I would even consider reading a necessary habit.

An exceptionally poignant read, I finished Walden with a snail’s pace that I’m sure Thoreau would respect, and feel like a better person for doing so; over and over, I have been humbled by the bits of knowledge that it doled out onto me. It’s a dense read, and by that I mean that each sentence is a meal worth truly digesting before moving onto the next – and after every paragraph, you were still left hungry.

Thoreau’s seminal work of Transcendental philosophy, Walden delves into living simply and solitarily, all the while finding personal resolve and strength. As Thoreau chronicles his life at Walden Pond, we’re brought in for an intimate journey of self reliance and societal retrospection on a newly industrialized world. Written originally in 1854, Walden gives a timeless analysis that’s just as important today as it was back then.

What book has helped you in a time of solitude or self-reliance?
Let me know in the comments below!

Some of my favorite quotes from Walden:

“I learned this, at least, by my experiment: that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.”

“We need the tonic of wildness…At the same time that we are earnest to explore and learn all things, we require that all things be mysterious and unexplorable, that land and sea be indefinitely wild, unsurveyed and unfathomed by us because unfathomable. We can never have enough of nature.”

“Live in each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influence of the earth.”

“However mean your life is, meet it and live it; do not shun it and call it hard names. It is not so bad as you are. It looks poorest when you are richest. The fault-finder will find faults even in paradise. Love your life, poor as it is. You may perhaps have some pleasant, thrilling, glorious hours, even in a poorhouse. The setting sun is reflected from the windows of the almshouse as brightly as from the rich man’s abode; the snow melts before its door as early in the spring. I do not see but a quiet mind may live as contentedly there, and have as cheering thoughts, as in a palace.”

“We must learn to reawaken and keep ourselves awake, not by mechanical aids, but by an infinite expectation of the dawn, which does not forsake us even in our soundest sleep. I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by a conscious endeavour. It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look, which morally we can do. To affect the quality of the day, that is the highest of arts.”

“If the day and the night are such that you greet them with joy, and life emits a fragrance like flowers and sweet-scented herbs, is more elastic, more starry, more immortal- that is your success. All nature is your congratulation, and you have cause momentarily to bless yourself. The greatest gains and values are farthest from being appreciated. We easily come to doubt if they exist. We soon forget them. They are the highest reality. Perhaps the facts most astounding and most real are never communicated by man to man. The true harvest of my daily life is somewhat as intangible and indescribable as the tints of morning or evening. It is a little star-dust caught, a segment of the rainbow which I have clutched.”

“If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away. It is not important that he should mature as soon as an apple-tree or an oak. Shall he turn his spring into summer?”

Buy Walden on Amazon | Discuss Walden on GoodReads

[Reading is Sexy] Ground Yourself in the Moment with ‘The Power of Now’

July 24, 2019July 24, 2019Leave a comment

As the digital age seems to exponentially evolve the world around it, whether it be through cell phones and social media or the internet of everything, it gets harder and harder to feel like you’re truly present for your life. Not the one that you’re busy posting to Instagram or Snapchat, but the only you’re physically, tangibly living; the one that you devote your emotional and mental energy to.

Inundated with high res digital images, high octane music and a high frequency world that keeps going at a faster and faster pace, I understand why so many of us are disconnected in one way or another from the biggest picture of life. Not “a” big picture, or their big picture – but the biggest picture of our reality, the cosmic unconsciousness which all living beings are an important part of.

Whenever I’m finding it hard to truly be, I can always pull myself out of my feedback cycles by opening a good book. It’s been a while since I’ve really gotten behind a self-professed ‘self-help’ book but far be it for anyone to believe they’re beyond needing a bit of enlightenment – especially me. Typically, I can sit in a corner and lock myself in my mental for hours while marinating in a good book, but due to the content and wanting to put my learning into action – I took this one in digestible partitions that were chalk full with potential energy. Two months later I can confirm: I’m so thrilled I did it this way.

For most of my life, I’ve proudly embodied the definition of being a multitask er but what ‘The Power of Now” made me realize was that I’m never truly present for any of it, if I’m trying to do all of it. I’ve found myself giving space and presence to my feelings instead of running from them, avoiding them or ushering them away. I have found ways to ground myself in the now. Instead of giving into negative feedback cycles, I give into and acknowledge my current state. Instead of anxiety about the future or pain from a past event, I’m content to purely exist as I am. It’s a beautiful chrysalis, and I feel like a new found butterfly that just discovered their wings.

On that note, I leave you with a few of my favorite quotes from the book.

“Your task is not to search for love but to find a portal through which love can enter.”

“The light is too painful for someone who wants to remain in darkness.”

“I have lived with several zen masters – all of them cats.”

“ As soon as you honor the present moment, all unhappiness and struggle dissolve, and life begins to flow with joy and ease. When you act out the present-moment awareness, whatever you do becomes imbued with a sense of quality, care, and love – even the most simple action. ”

“Time isn’t precious at all, because it is an illusion. What you perceive as precious is not time but the one point that is out of time: the Now. That is precious indeed. The more you are focused on time—past and future—the more you miss the Now, the most precious thing there is.”

“The most common ego identifications have to do with possessions, the work you do, social status and recognition, knowledge and education, physical appearance, special abilities, relationships, person and family history, belief systems, and often nationalistic, racial, religious, and other collective identifications. None of these is you.”

“When you are on a journey, it is certainly helpful to know where you are going or at least the general direction in which you are moving, but don’t forget: The only thing that is ultimately real about your journey is the step that you are taking at this moment. That’s all there ever is.”

“Give your fullest attention to whatever the moment presents. This implies that you also completely accept what is, because you cannot give your full attention to something and at the same time resist it.”

“Resistance to the Now as a collective dysfunction is intrinsically connected to loss of awareness of Being and forms the basis of our dehumanized industrial civilization .”

For more on rooted in marinating in mindfulness – including a short list of books for a spiritual way of being – head here. Have you read ‘The Power of Now’? What were some of your biggest takeaways? Any book recommendations from y’all??

To learn more about ‘The Power of Now” or Eckhart Tolle, peep the links:

[Eckhart Tolle] Website | Facebook | Goodreads Profile

[The Power of Now] Amazon | Goodreads