[Self Discovery] Embrace Your Authentic Spirit Through Shadow Work

July 30, 2021July 30, 2021Leave a comment

Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)
Walt Whitman, Song of Myself, 51

To be on a constant quest of self discovery is the most human thing there is, and it seems like for the past year and a half we’ve all been thrust into the soul searching world of personal development – whether we’ve wanted it or not. With the societally imposed downtime that COVID and quarantine have given literally all of us, it’s been the perfect occasion to dive deep and discover your unique truths. In my personal quest to appreciate, understand and evolve – I’ve found that it’s not always easy to love myself completely, in my entirety; for all my cracks and flaws, all of my shadows, have given me moments of pause, potentially even moments of discomfort.

In my darkest times, it felt disheartening; as if I didn’t know myself as well as I thought I did. A walk of emotional shame from an expectation hangover, where I was picking up bread crumbs to skeletons in my mental closet that I wasn’t prepared to deal with. It wasn’t until I fully committed myself to shadow work that I understood how fundamental it is to not only address the places within me that contain resistance, and parts of me that have been hurt in the past – but how I can hold space for those memories, observe them from a birds eye view, and then create a kinetic, positive feedback cycle to replace my old thought patterns.

Shadow work has helped me overcome my imposter syndrome, and catalyze a newfound growth in self confidence. But more than that, shadow work has helped me love myself in my entirety – and that’s something I haven’t had in a good, long time. So, let’s dive in and understand what it’s is all about, and maybe (hopefully!) shadow work can help you as much as it’s helped me.

“He who fights with monsters should be careful lest he thereby become a monster. And if thou gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee.”
Nietzsche

So, what exactly is shadow work? It’s a hot topic, a buzzword you’ve probably heard tossed around more times than ever in the past year – especially if you’ve dabbled in yoga, meditation or the transformation communities.

If you’re familiar with the philosophy of yin and yang, then the principles of shadow work will feel like a lightbulb moment; a modicum of thinking that we’re now able to put a name on. We all, as individuals, have an ego, a side of ourselves that we consciously display to the world, as well as ourselves. It’s the side of us that we’ve been constantly mastering our whole lives – building it up, and tearing it down wherever we’ve seen fit. As true as we can be to ourselves, there are things that we repress, resent and shudder away from that are true to who we are; there are facets of our personalities that we brush under a rug or hide in a closet in the corner of our mind. That is what creates the ego – the shadow of the ego is, in a way, the entire contents of that closet. It’s what happens when you take your demons out and acknowledge them as a gestation of your being just as much as the events or memories worn proudly on the sleeve of your soul.

The shadow self, then, contains all the parts of us that the ego eclipses; parts that go unseen to the conscious, or awakened, mind. It’s our unexplored; our uncharted waters and undiscovered emotional depths. Stemming from Jungian psychology, the shadow encompasses traits, feelings and emotions that are ‘unknown’ to an individual either through active or passive repression. If we are balls of clay, and society is molding our ego into the personality we externally display – our shadow side is the culmination of all those chisels into our soul. Negative experiences, expectations, interactions – if we are unable to deal with them as they are when they occur, they build up into our shadow self bit by bit.

“There is nothing scarier than facing the deepest realms of ourself, but there is also nothing more rewarding than that”

To commit to ‘shadow work’, then, is to do the mental and emotional ‘homework’ to bring your shadows into the light and out of the darkness; by acknowledging yourself as a dynamic presence, one that truly does contain multitudes, you’ll be infinitely closer to loving every fiber of your being as you authentically are. You’ll discover incredible personal growth because you’ll be able to see yourself for all that you are to the point that scars of the past will become tattoos and stories to muse over. While doing the work, it’s important that you really hold space for yourself and your growth as you re-experience dissonant events with new eyes – and remember, the point is to uncover discomfort, so be kind to yourself along your path into the light.

There are some fabulous creators out there who have done wonders to create templates and journal prompts for this very task, here are a few of my favorites:

[Unrefined Prose] 50 Shadow Work Journal Prompts to Help You Realize Your True Potential

[Seeking Serotonin] 31 Days of Shadow Work Journal Prompts For Healing, Self-Awareness & Growth

[Scott Jeffery] A Definitive Guide to Jungian Shadow Work: Shadow Work Exercises

My personal recommendation is to get a journal for shadow work and self reflection; it’s a calming and cathartic way to compartmentalize, and put to bed some feedback cycles and habits that I’ve held onto and the perfect litmus test for my temporal dexterity. But for all it’s worth, you could grab scrap paper or type it into the notes application on your phone. The important part here is that you do the work, not how you do the work.

I’m in much more of a mental flow state once after getting my mindset right – that includes yoga, breathwork, meditation or some combination of the three. For you, it might be as simple as right after your shower or after a good workout. If I have time in the morning before work, I’ll try and sneak follow it up with a gratitude prompt; but, if there isn’t an open chunk of time for my mental gymnastics, then I’ll use this as a wind down activity late at night as I’m getting ready for bed.

Have you had a chance to delve into shadow work before? What are some tricks or tips that have helped you embrace the totality of your being and process your past trauma? Drop me a line in the comments, looking forward to reading what y’all have found to be personally useful.

“The shadow is a moral problem that challenges the whole ego-personality, for no one can become conscious of the shadow without considerable moral effort. To become conscious of it involves recognizing the dark aspects of the personality as present and real. This act is the essential condition for any kind of self-knowledge.”
— Carl Jung

The Shadow: what you do behind your own back |Jungian Analysis

[Self Discovery] Overcoming Imposter Syndrome

May 22, 2021May 22, 2021Leave a comment

Last weekend as I pawed my way through ‘The Voice of Knowledge‘, a cascade of thoughts started rotating through my head: what does my voice of knowledge lie to me about, how did I become my own biggest critic, what are inauthentic truths that I try and force on myself and how can I be kinder to my own mental space. As it turns out, what I was suffering from at that time is called imposter syndrome. Imposter syndrome has kept me from raising my voice at important times, from trying my best at something I’m new at, and to be very honest – is what almost prevented me from writing this post to begin with; who did I think I was to try and explain imposter syndrome, why does it matter what my opinion is, and who the hell actually cares.

So, What Is Imposter Syndrome?

The psychological sibling of feelings like self-doubt, fears of failure and inadequacy, imposter syndrome is what prevents us from pursuing our dreams while instead reinforcing the idea that we are a living in a nightmare we have no control over. Though similar to feelings of low self worth and diminished self confidence, imposter syndrome is the continual feeling of rejection, or of being exposed as a fraud of sorts that doesn’t deserve their roses, no matter how well earned they truly are.

The Imposter Syndrome as a structural problem – Contemporary Issues in Teaching and Learning

Imposter syndrome is the voice we have that refuses to acknowledge our wins – big or small, nagging us with ideas that we’re not good enough, that what we’ve gotten out of life has been by dumb luck and not our own doing, and that we are undeserving of any good that comes out of our life. Overwhelming and convincing, imposter syndrome pulls us away from our creativity and new ideas, while fortifying a negative feedback loop that screams we simply aren’t good enough and people will see through us to the hypothetical frauds we believe we have become.

Unfortunately, or fortunately – depending on how you choose to look at things – imposter syndrome is much more common than you think, and it’s synonymous with that pestilent ‘Voice of Knowledge’ that Ruiz refers to. Imposter syndrome seeps in when you move into new and novel realms of your life: from getting that new job, raise or promotion to releasing your creative genius into the world; I don’t know a single person who hasn’t been overcome by it at some point in their lives. The problem with imposter syndrome arrises when we use our psyche and ego as an excuse – we stop pursuing our growth and deny our human nature of evolution.

Own Your Success: Try These Tips to Overcome Impostor Syndrome | CCL

How To Overcome Imposter Syndrome

Remember those cartoons when we were kids, with the angel on one shoulder and devil on another? If you live by your imposter syndrome – you’ve shut the good news out, and have been focusing on the negative for far too long; often forgetting that there’s a large part of you that loves yourself, respects yourself and wants to be heard. If you can’t get back to negotiating between the duality of these feelings, the least you can do for yourself is to shut down the pessimism and marinate in the art of being still. By acknowledging imposter syndrome and calling it out for what it is – we prime ourselves to reframe our mental space in a healthier fashion. If we can learn to adopt a growth mindset – we realize that as we negotiate with and move past what we are not, we reinforce the unique beauty of living as our authentic self. That might sound easier said than done, but I promise – it’s truly just as easy as trapping yourself in your negative emotions.

At the end of the day, we are all the best at being ourselves; meaning that you are the one person in the world that is the best at being them. What we are not, however, is our emotions. We must learn to let them pass over us as clouds to our mental sky, they might cast a shadow – but we are not the shadow, we are the sky that wants to shine as bright as possible. When we listen to our imposter syndrome, we are choosing to not share the beauty of our true nature with the world. Instead of falling back into the feedback loop of imposter syndrome, try these mental tricks instead.

Let's destigmatize the conversation about impostor syndrome! - BioScope

For starters – be kind to yourself and the way you talk to yourself. Would you let a stranger talk to you the way you talk to yourself? If we come at our relationships from a point of love and understanding, we allow ourselves to hold space for our emotions in a more positive light. Start by writing yourself love notes and leave them around your home and office; remind yourself how amazing you are! Be able to separate what is fact from what you’re feeling; they are not the same but our minds are so strong that the two can become intertwined. Understand that to make a mistake is human, and to grow outside of your mistakes is divine.To win the mental war you’ve been waging against yourself, it’s just as important to win the smaller battles. Limit your time on social media; if comparison is the thief of joy, then Facebook, Instagram and Twitter are emotional burglars. They reinforce the attention economy, while taking time and joy – replacing them with feelings of gross inadequacy and depression. Compile a list of your tiny, day to day wins – and know that they’re just as fantastic as larger ones. Start working with a gratitude journal – my personal recommendation is the Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal – or Spirit Animal Cards to establish more positive emotional pathways. It’s on us to ensure that our exterior world has our backs, and best intentions in mind – ensure your support system is full of positivity; we are the synthesis of the five closest relationships that we have – and chances our, they’ve felt a similar way – if we open the lines of communication, we can not only champion our own imposter syndrome but we can help others overcome theirs as well.

Do you recognize when imposter syndrome is setting in?
What tips and tricks have helped you bounce back to your authentic self?

Share some love in the comments below and let’s help each other be the best versions of ourselves that we can be.

[Reading is Sexy] Understanding the ‘Voice of Knowledge’

May 17, 2021Leave a comment

“In the case of good books, the point is not to see how many of them you can get through, but rather how many can get through to you.”
– Mortimer J. Adler

When a good book hits you with words you need to hear, it gives one pause and perspective; and often, a necessary shift in mood. For the last few months, I’ve been bouncing between a few books – but nothing that had truly immersed me into it’s literary universe until the other week when I bounded through the last pages of David Brin’s ‘Sundiver’; after several months of investing myself into the characters and plot twists, I had finally made it to the end, fully enthralled in Brin’s ‘Uplift’ sagas. After I make it through any work of fiction, I tend to re-set my mind with a book on the other end of the spectrum – like the natural sciences, psychology, mathematics, etc. As I started pawing my way through my bookshelves on Saturday morning, one popped out at me that I simply couldn’t put down: The Voice of Knowledge from the esteemed don Miguel Ruiz.

“You are alive, and you don’t need to justify your existence.
You can be the biggest mystery in your own story.”
― Miguel Ruiz

I’d read ‘The Four Agreements’ and ‘Mastery of Love‘ some years ago, and had apparently forgotten that I was in possession of the third in the series. If you’ve never heard of any of these before, you’re in for quite the treat. Now, you don’t necessarily have to have read his other books to jump into ‘Voice of Knowledge’, but having some rudimentary knowledge of his other materials provides a nice frame of reference to this one.

Inspired by the Toltec wisdom of his family line, don Miguel Ruiz implores his readers to open their eyes, minds and hearts to a healthier way of handling the world – the one we create inside ourselves, and the external world we live in. In ‘The Four Agreements‘, Ruiz implores on us that if we keep the four agreements in our hearts and in our heads, we will find that life is kinder to us – that the world around us vibrates at a loving frequency, and that we are more at peace with ourselves, more in love with our true nature, if we can establish these four agreements as a psychological baseline for how we interact with the world.

If we are impeccable with our word, we pave the way for concise and clear communication – both externally, and (this is the more important part) internally; being true to our own nature, allows others to be more authentic with us. By not taking anything personally, we don’t allow others to dictate our emotions through their actions (or, inactions). Without making assumptions, we deal with the world as it truly is – not an idealized version of it. Finally, always trying your best means you can wake up and go to sleep every day knowing that you did all you could to be you.

Within ‘The Mastery of Love’, we are reminded that the best way to have a fulfilling relationship is to build a relationship of love with yourself. Once we have acknowledged the need for the ‘four agreements’, the first person we must establish those with is in fact ourselves. By learning to respect ourselves with our own truths, we can embody the ‘Mastery of Awareness’; in becoming spiritual masters of our own realm, we immediately commit to the ‘Mastery of Transformation’. When these two masteries are combined, we engage with the full ‘Mastery of Love’

Finally, we meet ‘The Voice of Knowledge’ – and what an enlightening look at the way we deal with our own personal truths, and our own suffering. As society heads back into a ‘new normal’, I think it’s important to own, understand and hold space for our authentic selves – and reading the ‘Voice of Knowledge’ truly drove that home. When we remove the ego driven ‘voice’ of knowledge that we carry in our head, and commit to living the four agreements – we find a life based on respect, love and honesty. First, that involves respect, love and honesty with ourselves. Throughout the book, Ruiz implores on his readers that we need to be kinder to true nature, and revel in being ourselves.

We were all born with a childlike sense of wonder and amazement in the world, and overtime our personal narratives told us that we weren’t good enough as who we are at our core – from teachers, to family, to friends and strangers in between, each interaction with the world molds us into something we didn’t intend on becoming, and never were. The ‘Voice of Knowledge’ helps us dissolve the ideals placed on us by the world without us, as we start listening to our own spirit once again. We are with ourselves all of the time, it’s important to learn to enjoy that relationship with openness and honesty, and that begins with being honest with ourselves. As we discover our authentic voice, the one that we’ve learned to quiet over time because of the words and actions of others, we can start regaining our personal power and live our lives in truly touch with our spirit and soul.

Are there any books or authors that have helped adjust and shift your personal perspective on the world? Let me know in the comments below! For more on don Miguel Ruiz and his other fantastic books on Toltec wisdom, head to his website or social channels.

Website | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Good Reads

“You are divine, you are perfect, but as an artist,
you create your own story and you have the illusion that the story is real.
You live your life by justifying that story.
And by justifying the story, you are wasting your life.”
― Miguel Ruiz, The Voice of Knowledge

[Self Discovery] The Power of Meditation

April 16, 2020April 16, 20202 Comments

Breathing in – I know I am breathing in;
Breathing out, I know I am breathing out.

With the calamity and chaos in the world at large, intrinsically we have to understand that the only control we ultimately have in this world is of our own emotions and reactions. The best way to be able to control those are to understand our true nature, and that’s our nature without external stimulus – it’s the you at your core, without thoughts, without emotion – the you that just is.

Breathing in, my in-breath has become deep.
Breathing out, my out-breath has become slow.

It’s a simple task, but it most certainly doesn’t come easy; all it requires is you to be fully present in the moment and within yourself. That proverbial it that I speak of, that transcendental feeling you get from meditation. Whether you’re looking to expand yourself inward and engage in a personal evolution, or revolution; focus your mind and sharpen your mental state, or simply reduce your anxiety – finding time in your day to work in even a five minute meditation practice has proven mind and body benefits that permeate far more than just that moment.

Breathing in – I feel calm;
Breathing out, I feel at ease.

If you’re a morning person – when you wake up, grab your morning coffee, tea…wine…whatever, and start with just five minutes as you’re easing into the day. If you’ve got a yoga routine, meditation is like the icing on the cake at the end of your practice, simply add five minutes at the end of your yoga session to settle into yourself. If you’re a workaholic – schedule time in your phone or your planner, put a five minute meeting into your Outlook or Google Calendars. If you’re a writer – find a cute meditation journal for daily reflections. And if you’re like me and can’t sit still, get oustide and take a brisk stroll through the world while letting each of your senses become engaged with your surroundings. Either way you spin it – you most definitely have five minutes somewhere in your day to spare – so find it; I promise, you’ll be better for it.

Breathing in – I smile.
Breathing out, I release all my worries and anxieties.

The best way to start is to just…well, start; and start small. Find a comfortable spot with soft light, where you can sit tall and be at peace – whether you’re sitting cross-legged on the ground, or are propped up slightly with a meditation pillow. Let the moment wash over you as you focus on your breathing; marinate in that feeling as you notice the tightness in your chest and back, the restlessness of your lower body and weight of your head. Now, your mind – it’ll wander and wonder, but the point of meditation is to acknowledge when your mind is manifesting anything. You can try counting to ten slowly, or counting your breaths, or – using this poem that I learned from the book You Are Here by the esteemed Thich Nhat Hanh.

Breathing in – I dwell deeply in the present moment.
Breathing out, I know this moment is wonderful

The internet is a wonderful repository and I’m thankfully there are tons of digital resources available and at the tips of your fingers. If you feel strange about sitting with your own thoughts at the beginning, or simply don’t know how to begin or where to go with your practice – there are ample resources for guided meditations throughout the internet to help you find your moment of zen.

Here are some of my favorites.

For Beginners

Deepak Chopra’s 21 Day Challenges + Guided Meditations

21 Day MC Creating Abundance - Chopra Center Download with Chopra ...

Whether it’s his 21 Day Meditation Challenges, or his guided meditations, Deepak Chopra has amassed an incredible amount of resources for the spiritually inclined. For those new to meditation – every few months the website offers a new 21 Day Challenge that intently focuses on one of many core emotional tenants. By the end of the challenge, you’ll be marinating in your mindfulness as you reap the positive benefits of meditation on the body, mind and spirit.

There’s an App for That

There are a ton of different smart phone applications for those looking to take their meditation practice further. I’ve toyed around with both Headspace and Calm; and personally like the fact that both apps can be either iOS or Desktop based. But, a new favorite is Simple Habit – which is a free app, that you use for five minutes a day *ding ding*. Honestly, I enjoy what they all have to offer in terms of both length and type of meditation, but if you’re in the mood to shop around – here are a few other options that I’ve discovered:

Oak: Meditation and Breathing
Mindfulness: Meditation and Relaxation
10 Percent Happier

Go One Deeper with Spirit Daughter Moon Workbooks

Scorpio Full Moon Workbook from Spirit Daughter

For the astrologically inclined, I’m a die-hard fan of the Full Moon and New Moon workbooks from the mindful mavens at Spirit Daughter. Each one comes ripe with information about the celestial seasons, and have incredible resources for those wishing to either begin a meditation practice or develop theirs further.

With various subscription levels, including paper based versus digital, and monthly packages versus either their seasonal full or new moon books. I’m a bit old-school in that I love having things hand written, but I’ve heard fab things about the digital version as well!

Try Meditative Tarot

At the end of the day – each of us is going to have a mindfulness or meditation practice that is as unique as they are. I’m more of a yoga-journal-active meditation type of gal; I like to be more engaged than simply ruminating in the feeling – I also seem to have the attention span of a goldfish. So if I’m going to sit and journal my meditations, I eventually start bringing out either my tarot cards, spirit animal cards or rune stones; the whole practice brings up ideas, patterns and emotions that I’m more open to exploring with a clear head – often leading me to an existential epiphany that brightens my mood, day, or both.

What are some of the most useful tips and tricks you’ve learned that have helped you with your meditation practice?

[Self Discovery] Put the Social in ‘Social Distancing’

April 5, 2020April 7, 2020Leave a comment

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’re well aware of the way that the Coronavirus – also known as COVID-19 has been making it’s way across the globe in an international emergency event that most generations simply have never been part of. And if you have been living under a rock, I hope you’re keeping your rock 6 feet apart from other rocks.

First things first, let’s all admit – these past few weeks have been eye opening, scary, anxiety inducing, etc. Please remember to reach out and check in on each other. HOW ARE YA! How are your family and friends holding up? Have you been remembering to try and get outside, and hold your head up high? We’ll get through this, but we need to remember – the human condition is the necessity to connect, – so let’s connect! Any new books, hobbies, shows you’ve discovered? Any questions or anxieties other people can help answer? Anyone learned a new joke or got a funny meme to share?

Up in Seattle, we are under a Stay at Home order until at LEAST May 5th. It’s a ghost town, traffic is non existent and I’m anxious. But I’m reminding myself: I am healthy, I am okay. My friends are healthy. My family is healthy. We are okay. We will be okay.

But please remember: This is GLOBAL. As a people so are we – we are the human organism, the human condition. Are you healthy? AWESOME. Do you know anyone over 60, with a medical condition or pregnant? Then do your best to keep THEM safe. What is happening does not discriminate based on age, sex, religion or location. Everyone is panicking in their own way. Be kind. Wash your hands. Don’t cough on things.

This is not an excuse to not vote in the upcoming election, if anything this is why we need to mobilize and unite as a nation. The current administration seems to be doing their best to delay testing, from NPR’s reporting – if they can prove our numbers remain low (even if they’re low from lack of testing) they believe it can boost a re-election campaign.

With the decimation of vital industries with hourly workers and a reduction in both business and working hours – there’s a chance for unemployment to balloon again. We need economic safeguards in our communities and states that prevent families and small business on having to default on their loans, mortgages or their rent. We need legislation that prevents utilities from being shut off for non payment. We need UBI, Universal Basic Income, because the economy will essentially tip on its head once the only people who can afford ANYTHING are only the 1%. We need Universal Health Care. There are people, homeless, immigrant, that do not have access to healthcare currently – Washington has reopened their health care election coverage and I hope other states have; but many people still can’t afford THAT version of health care and the only way to truly stop this pandemic is to both test and treat everyone. If you’re for those points above, let me tell you about this guy, Bernie….but we’ll do that in a latest post.

For me: I got a “flu”-like bug twice in three weeks in in January, one time three days after getting the flu shot, I had a fever of 102, body chills, a headache and nausea, it lasted for 4 days; that was when this was all starting – I’m starting to think I had and then got over COVID-19, but without proper access to testing I will not know. I finally finished Walden. I stated a cool book on The Golden Ratio. I started making essential oil perfumes. I tried my best to not freak out.

Now, in the midst of all the ‘Stay at Home’, ‘Shelter in Place’ and ‘Safer in Place’ orders around the country – it’s becoming more imperative than ever that even though we maintain a safe physical distance, that our social nature – our human nature, stays in tact. Thankfully, living in the digital age there are an infinite amount of resources available that make it feel like you’re not so alone.

Keep Your Head Up with These Tips and Tricks

Join a Book Club: Even though reading is a singular activity, that doesn’t mean you can’t make reading social, get a profile on Good Reads. My latest – Walden, by Thoreau, was something I’d been trying to get through for over a year – but by it’s simple nature, and being written by the most famed Transcendentalist, I thought it would be weird to attempt to rush through it and I’m so glad I didn’t. It’s honestly the perfect pick for anyone who is negotiating with any sort of physical isolation from others, and ways we can dive into our own minds.

Create a Collaborative Playlist: Music is one of those things that has the ability to bring people together in a million ways, from when times are good to when times are hard. I’m a self proclaimed Audiophile, and I’m sure most of my friends are, too. I’ve been digging on Spotify for a million different reasons, whether is their end of year analytical roundup, their new artist discovery or the ability to dive steadfast into a band’s discography. Lately, one of my favorite functions in Spotify is the ability to make a collaborative playlist. A few years ago for my wedding, we had our guests get down in a collaborative playlist before the big day and let me tell you – it made our wedding party just that much more fun. In light of everything currently happening, I thought it would be a fun way for my friends to share their latest favorites – so go ahead, jam out and add one or two of your favorites, too!

Go To a Digital Festival: Sign up for Youtube and Twitch and watch a live stream of a concert, Insomniac Event’s had to forgo their fabled Beyond Wonderland festival this year due to current circumstances; and as always, they turned a negative into the most positive of pictures by hosting ‘Virtual Raves’ for both Beyond Wonderland last weekend then Hard Summer Staycation this weekend. From the Brownie’s and Lemonade Squad, we’ve been treated to amazing sets from world renowned and up and coming artists through their Desert Mirage series and last but certainly not least, big big love to both Mad Decent, Beatport and the infinite amount of artists out there that are filling our spirits, warming our hearts, and letting us shake our groove thangs. Some of my favorites from this weekend have already been posted – check’em out!

Proximity x Brownies & Lemonade: Digital Mirage
Kaskade
Seven Lions
Gryffin
Insomniac: HARD Summer Staycation – Beyond Wonderland Virtual Rave-a-Thon
Valentino Kahn
Dr. Fresch
Jack Beats

Foster a Floof: If you’re without a furry friend, or looking to add to your collection – this is a great time to try fostering a pet! It’s proven that having animals around can lower your anxiety while providing adorable stress relief, and plus, being altruistic and caring for others is one of the quickest ways to get out of your own head and into a healthy mental space. The pros at Petfinder have a great web-tool to find local shelters, or simply jump into Yelp or Google Maps and find your closest one. If you happen to have any free time, and aren’t under a ‘SIP’ order, volunteering at the shelter’s is also a great feel good activity!

Be Social with Social Media: In my personal opinion, as a society we are incredibly lucky that what we are going through with the Coronavirus has come at a time where we are vastly, deeply interconnected within our communities. With the Internet, streaming media and social media – we can maintain some semblance of normalcy while going through this strange transitory phase by reaching out to each other. I’ve never been much of a fan of FaceTime, or of Video Conferencing, but I’ve vastly changed by tune over the last few weeks. It’s been lovely to see my friends, cheers them over the phone, and really see them smile – even if we’re miles away.

Sprinkle Some Joy: The biggest takeaway for me is this – you can get through anything with a good spirit, so do things that bring joy, do things that make you happy and do things that make those around you in a better mood. Share a joke, hold back criticism, be gracious, ask questions, engage, laugh, and then maybe – just maybe, share a few memes, they’re honestly great ice breakers if there’s someone you haven’t chatted with in forever. I have a small collection that have been helping me through – maybe they can be just as useful for you!

How are you holding up during this chaotic moment? Any surprising ways you’ve found to be social even in light of being self quarantined? Let me know in the comments below and let’s get through this together ❤

[Self Discovery] The Economics of Friendship

March 8, 2019March 8, 2019Leave a comment

“Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It’s hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It’s round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you’ve got a hundred years here. There’s only one rule that I know of, babies-“God damn it, you’ve got to be kind.”
– Kurt Vonnegut –

Usually, when I delve into my ideas and reach into the cobwebbed corners of my brain for a post…I can knock it out in a day, maybe two; at the very most a week. But this is something that’s been coming for at least two years; maybe even more. Originally, I thought it was the festival induced nostalgia of the Springtime, or the evolution into the downtime of Fall and the family oriented nature of the Holiday Season; or, maybe it was shoving my life into a U-haul two times over, moving away from everything I’ve known and towards the person I want to be. But, the more and more I separate myself from this feeling that’s been in the pit of my stomach – the more I realize that no, it’s just me; it’s always been me. Me being nostalgic and searching, me attempting to analyze the past and postulate a formulaic method of the future as I dissected the nature of love, empathy and friendship.

The human condition is one of connection; and at times it seems that we can’t help but to connect – to love, to find ourselves in another and to forge bonds outside of ourselves. Coddled by ego and love, protected by loyalty and exponentially expounded upon by experience, our relationships are fragile beings, brought into this world each time our human vibrations intersect with one another’s. Eventually, even if we’ve branded ourselves as an independent being of light and love – those relationships become what define us and our realities, irregardless of how routine or random it might seem. But on the other side of connection, you have the dichotomy of loss and breaking apart. Losing friends is tough, but the tragedy lies in falling apart from the living – from watching the bridges burn and looming in their flames, somberly separating after a difference of opinion, or more tumultuous – of life.

The Give and Take of Friendship

All relationships are a game of emotional catch; with a natural give and take, a push and pull – a simple supply and demand economics of personal happiness and social responsibility. They’re like a battery, or a gas tank, or a freshly rooted flower – filling, emptying and growing in symbiosis. But if you drain one too much, or overfill it another day – you’re putting unnecessary strain into the relationship, infusing it with a toxic nature, even if the relationship itself doesn’t seem toxic yet.

In the duality of life, friendships can only thrive when its seed is watered from both ends. What makes someone your friend? What propels them to flutter inside your heart and fill your mind with wonder and joy? How much endured emotional pain is worth the familial pleasure of friendship? Love of any kind is an investment – familial love, fraternal love, romantic love – every time you interact, you give part of yourself away. Time is a human construct, but there are still only so many moments in a day – how and with whom do you choose spend them?

The Benefits of Boundaries

Friendship is malleable and free-form like an emotional rubber-band, full of flexibility and movement; but even the strongest rubber bands snap under extreme pressure. Boundaries are essential to any budding relationship and are key to building the foundation of a successful one. If you fly into a friendship blindly without thought, you could end up like Icarus and burn yourself on the sun of your relationship. The most important boundaries are the ones are those you build with yourself: what you will and won’t stand for, what personality traits you covet, what you’re willing to let slide and what you abhor. You can only give yourself away so much before there’s none of you left to hold for yourself, none of you left to care for you – and let’s be honest, if you can’t find time or energy to care for yourself, it’s a bit paradoxical to be giving it away. Conversely, when it comes to the people in your social circle – it seems anachronistic that enforcing boundaries would build a stronger bond, but by not having any boundaries you’re saying you’ll fall for everything; intelligently implementing them not only builds trust, but creates a solid foundation for your friendship to stand on.

Know When To Let Go

Rarely does a relationship ever stay on the same trajectory it once was – which admittedly is half the fun of mutual growth; but like a mirror, once it’s been broken, it can’t be put back together in the same way. Small scale issues from broken boundaries to unspoken grievances can compound over time, eventually tilting the emotional scale in one lopsided way or the other.

The house that friendship builds is based off of mutual boundaries and a solid foundation; with walls of security and support, and open windows into your heart and soul. If built on honesty, loyalty and sincerity, it an move mountains – but if any of those core tenants are broken, the relationships trajectory is hijacked, and the aftershocks can ripple its tenants to their core. Sometimes, the strongest thing you can do is to let those people go, and let the relationship dissolve into the ephemerality of life – for both of you.

“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.”

When I younger, my mom pulled me aside one day and told me: you don’t have to like everyone, and not everyone has to like you. The first time she told me, I was 8; but the second time, I was 24 – and the words had infinitely more weight. Some people are meant to be part of your world, in a mutual exchange of love, empowerment and encouragement while others serve as reminders and stepping stones; they’re the loose change at the bottom of your purse, waiting to be tossed back into the wishing well of life. If you’ve invested properly in yourself, if you are honest with yourself about what you have to offer – you’ll attract that energy back; and if you’re making a worthy investment in yourself by creating boundaries, it shows. At the end of the day, the most important friendship to reconcile is the one with yourself.

How do you choose to strengthen your bonds and create healthy boundaries in your relationships?

Let me know in the comments below!